Welcome to my yearly blog post, wherein I talk about nuptials, food in Paris, Zoe, Facebook silliness, and gratitude. (YAY!)

Hey, hello there, what's up, how's it goin'.

It's been a while, eh? Unlike my more prolific blogger friends (I'm looking at you, K!), I have allowed myself to fall into a bit of obscurity, having remained silent long enough for my browser to not autofill "veganinsub” as I started typing my own blog's URL. (To be more precise, I haven't blogged since June 10 of last year. Woopsies?)

I guess that's to be expected in a year of thesis-writing, teaching two full-year courses, planning a modest wedding, organizing my sister's bridal shower with my mum, adopting a dog (holy shit! My blog has never seen our dog, Zoe!), training said dog, going to physio appointments, drinking a lot of coffee, attending Osheaga, presenting at two conferences, biking everywhere, meditating, going to Montreal, publishing in an academic journal, getting a part-time job at a much-loved vegan restaurant in Toronto, quitting said job, crying with joy at concerts like a loser, spending hours upon hours at cafés with study buddies, attending my first kirtans (!), and finally landing a TOTALLY AWESOME translation gig.

Now that I type it all out, maybe, just maybe I have a good excuse to not blog, but... it's not a great one. But… maybe I should follow the lead of the aforementioned prolific blogger friends and give some tidbits every so often instead of dumping all this out. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Then again, my silence also coincided with my willing absence from social media after the attacks in Paris of last year. (I'm sorry to get all serious very abruptly.) I couldn't bring myself to share anything online or to read anything on social media because it didn't feel like what I or anyone was eating for lunch or where I found myself sipping coffee or "what your favourite colour says about you!" really mattered alongside tremendous and brutal loss of life. I mean, lives are lost—human and non-human—due to human and environmental atrocities every damned day, and in larger numbers than what occurred in Paris, but, shit, man… I don't really know if it was because a metropolitan city like Paris was targeted, much like Toronto or Montreal, that made it feel like "too close to home"—or maybe it was because Dane and I had just been there in May... ?

Maybe it was the fact that it had happened on Friday the 13^th, when I had, that very day, just urged my students to "let go of superstition" and taught them that "13" is actually a lucky number in Italy, and, thus, I somehow felt, later, like I'd let my students down or deceived them (I know: it's ridiculous)… Maybe (and I'm just thinking about this now) it was because it had happened in a venue that I often frequent—a concert venue—a "sacred" space for art and community and sharing and love, not unlike a place of worship for the faithful, really.

Anyway, the events in Paris affected people in different ways, and I don't mean to insinuate that I am special for feeling or (re)acting the way I did, especially since that kind of malice manifests in myriad manners all over the world every day and my reaction means nothing when placed alongside... the heartbreak of Syrians being forced out of their homes, for instance. Some of us don't always know about or react to the news—myself included; but, once we know, sometimes the helplessness causes us to act, and, other times, it causes us to retreat in retrospection for a while.

All this to say that that's why I was silent (self-righteous side note: I also went the whole year without clicking "like" [or whatever these other new-fangled buttons are; they were a surprise when I "came back" to Facebook!] on a photo or post on Facebook. Try it! Write a comment instead on someone's post, or share an emotion. It makes interacting on Facebook much less passive and more fun and active and interactive :) Check out this article that I happened upon a few weeks ago for more on this), but, I've been creeping back around over the past few months, and especially in the last weeks, after Orlando… 

So… hey, what's up. removes her serious hat and sets it aside

We have even more reasons to come together and talk to each other and hug and love and sing and pet dogs and—ZOE! STOP EATING GRASS. gets up and claps her hands to get the dog's attention So, before I go on, thanks for reading this and for being patient throughout my rambling, and thanks for hanging out for a bit while I get some things off my chest and let you know why I'm writing today (trust me: it's not all that interesting, so you can jet if you want. [Peace]). And feel free to let me know in the comment section how you've been doing or link to a post on your own blog so I can keep in the loop : )

Okay. So, I got engaged, as I mentioned in my last post, so that's nifty. Yay, Dane! Thanks for liking me! Dane and I will be married on July 9, and that is very soon. (As my Nonna Libera would say: "oly boy" [in case you don't get it, it's a charming combination of "holy cow" and "oh, boy." Hahaha. Oh, Nonna...) That'll be right around the time when, one year ago, Dane and I welcomed an energetic little half-poodle, half–Jack Russell named Zoe into our home. She's six now and is the snuggliest and cutest little pain in the arse. (As I type this, she just bolted from beneath my patio chair to chase a squirrel.) She is a loudmouth and she is, unfortunately, leash-reactive due to her lack of socialization with other dogs as a puppy, but she is my buddy and I love her and we snuggle and she lets me kiss her snout and that's nice. I will let her face show you her silliness and sweetness.

See? Hehehe…

So, there's that… Zoe is a good friend. (EDIT on June 23: We went for a run together for the first time today and it was grand!)

I mentioned in my last post that a bunch of things happened that I wanted to write about, but I never got around to it (I apologize for misleading you when I said, "Stay tuned for more." How silly of me…). Well, our Euro-trip was sick—in the good way, of course. Dane and I had never travelled extensively together before, and it was great to see how we were always on the same page when it came to plans and meals and sights and meals and…

Speaking of meals, when Ingrid Newkirk walked into Saveurs Végét'Halles in Paris, I couldn't eat. She was sitting next to us with another influential individual in the vegan and health scenes, and I told Dane that I felt sick and that if I didn't say hello I would vomit. Hahahaha. (Sidenote: When Dane had asked me to marry him, I told him, "I think I'm going to be sick" before I actually said, "yes." So, apparently, when I'm really overcome with emotion, my insides get a little messed up.) Dane convinced me to wait to say hello, and we did, after our meal. I was even scared to go to the bathroom, lest they left before I said hello! They were both so kind to talk to us (ahem: me) as non–freaking-out humans. Ms. Newkirk even gave me some végé pâté (!) and her companion was kind enough, too, to take a (blurry) photo of us. 



Oh, in case you were wondering, I didn't actually puke before, during, or after our meal. But, holy shnikeys, I was beaming. (And, in case you were still wondering, I wasn't actually sick when Dane proposed to me either. Somewhere below is a photo of the view surrounding the area where he proposed, in Prossedi, Italy, in the birthplace of my paternal grandparents.) And, finally, because it bears being said, though PETA (Ingrid Newkirk is the President of PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has some questionable practices and a few of their campaigns hurt my heart and they are reviled by many (for good and bad reasons), it must be acknowledged that a great number of their advocacy campaigns regarding veganism are effective, and it was because of one of these campaigns, at the Vans Warped Tour in 2003, that I went vegan. So, it was rad to meet the woman behind the organization that spearheaded my vegan lifestyle and brought me to good health.

Okay, so, I put my serious hat on again without telling you; I'm sorry about that! removes it 

This started off as a vegan food blog, so maybe I’ll spare you all the logistical details of our trip to Paris, Prossedi, Naples, Borgo Grappa, and Rome and the wonderful and precious moments spent with loved ones, showing you the food photos instead. Here goes!

This one might not be self-explanatory, so allow me to say that every visit to Paris merits a picture of a Gare du Nord sign, because of the line in Jimmy Eat World's "Polaris": "As the train approaches Gare du Nord, as I'm sure your kiss remains employed, am I only dreaming?" Mm.

The formatting and placement of these photos is all weird, and I don't have the time to (figure out how to) fix them, so I apologize for posting things out of order. This meal was our welcome-home meal at Bloomer's at the end of a long flight that found us poorly nourished (see far below, where we tried to sate ourselves with just salad, jerky, bread, and wine). We felt like we were on some serious drugs while we hobbled around jet-lagged in our favourite vegan restaurant in Toronto, bags and all. We even accidentally bonked heads when foolishly trying to take a selfie. Spatial awareness suffered, indeed, after the flight.

This is where Dane proposed to me : )

COFFEE ALL THE TIME

In Prossedi, this is where we had breakfast every morning. (This is the spot where I took the photo of where Dane proposed to me.)

Pizza in Naples by the water

I could eat cicoria ALL DAY. (If you have a keen eye, you may see this dish lurking in other photos/meals, too.)

My cousin, at her restaurant, prepared a mind-blowingly scrumptious vegan meal for us. That is, indeed, fried motherfriggin polenta back there. FRIED POLENTA.

The tastiest crêpe ever, in Paris. Holy shnikeys. Thank you, Loving Hut Paris! (If I remember correctly, I was mumbling passionately and incoherently as I was taking this photo. It may or may not have been the best thing I've ever eaten, and I am not one for hyperbole [usually].)

Oh—my bad: it's coffee and baguettes all the time.

This is the meal I barely managed to eat while Ingrid Newkirk dined to our left. It was delightful; don't let all the boring brownness fool you.

Come on, Air Canada. You can treat vegans better! (They can't take credit for the jerky; that was ours. They can, however, take credit for the free wine. YEEEEESSSSS.)

If and when you go to Rome, RUN to Universo vegano. Bring a receptacle in which to gather the remains of your blown mind.

*incoherent sounds indicating excitement about tastes*

*more of the aforementioned sounds*

Hungry yet? :D

Then, the final reason for my writing today (and then I'll leave you to your day; thanks for getting this far!)... No, wait a second: I really, really, really do intend to update you once again after our wedding, because I'm sure there will be cool photos and stories to share, including from our honeymoon, which we'll be taking in the city of—aha! Suckers. Hahaha. I need to keep you coming back somehow! So, I'll tell ya when we come back at the end of July—precisely a month from now, actually. Mamma mia…

Where was I... The reason why I felt compelled to write today was that I was overcome with gratitude on my run yesterday, to the point of tears. "WHAT A LOSER!" you're thinking. It's cool; I thought that, too. "What a LOSER!" my mind echoes. (Aaaand a bug just flew up my nose. [I'm sitting outside.]) No, but, really. I don't know if it's the amalgamation of all the events occurring simultaneously, or my already-full plate of work with an added serving of last-minute wedding stuff (I should be translating right now instead of posting here—and, earlier today, I should have been translating, but I was working on wedding stuff…)—heck, I could have been moved to tears because of being overwhelmed, but I'm pretty sure it's because I felt happy and honoured and loved and supported and grateful.

Let me explain.

Getting married is a funny thing, and not just because it's a perhaps-outdated custom that costs an arm and a leg and maybe the other arm and it shines a bright light on two individuals who maaaaaay not be so comfortable with that much attention, yet they still do it anyway (*cough cough*). It's a funny thing because, yes, you invite people to attend and they're happy to attend a party because they care about you and stuff, but, really, they're coming together to celebrate your love and your vow to share your life with another human being and to see you beam at your beloved in the moments in which you formally declare your promises to one another. These people are dropping everything to celebrate love. Now, there's no way that that is outdated; that's the frakking coolest part about modern nuptials, and that's the part that had me on the verge of tears on my run.

Living in a city of literally millions, it's easy to get lost in the hubbub and to revel in it, too, while also feeling LOST in it and isolated by it. I've been feeling all of that a lot in the past several months, but this wedding has helped me feel so much love, because people keep telling me and Dane, "We're so excited for your wedding!"—and that blows my mind and really moves me! Heck, I even feel like I'm imposing on people for my birthday, let alone a wedding that costs people money and time off from work, and I have the opportunity to practise letting go of that guilt for asking people to come out for my birthday every year. Having people excited to witness your dedication to another human being and share in the festivities that accompany this expression of loyalty and the food and the music and the togetherness—that's exceptional. And we get to do it once. And my heart is so full and so thrilled and so humbled. Even though our modest little wedding hasn't happened yet, thank you to those of you who will attend, and thank you, too, to those of you with whom we will celebrate in our next meetings and who have wished us and continue to wish us well.

Apart from that, I feel very lucky, these past few days, to have been in one-on-one talks with some meditation teachers about new habits and resources and meetings and retreats, and these are people whom I've never met or whom I've just met. It's fabulous and humbling—for me, at least—to interact with these people who are giving or offering me their time when I'm just another name in an almost infinite inbox of endless e-mails. Right now is a precious moment (I type as the wind blows the leaves of the trees in our urban backyard), and it's easy to run away into the future with excitement, but… I'll allow myself a little savouring here, and a little excitement there.

I hope you're excited, too, with whatever you have on your plate and whatever is on the horizon. It's summer! It's warm! Hooray! But, seriously: I invite you to tell me, either via e-mail or in the comments, what's making you smile today (I tried this on Facebook and people just clicked "like." Hehe. Maybe I'll have more success here, but there's no pressure either. [Also, to those who clicked "like," I like and love you all the same. smiles big at you]). And please forgive me for all this (over-)sharing. I feel sometimes like this type of blog or even, I don't know, open letters are really vain, and maybe they are, but they're outlets, and they're most useful for the writer, even if no one reads. I know this is my blog and this is the right venue for sharing, but... well, thanks for allowing me to share and for meeting me in this Internet nook. You rock.

We'll talk soon (or I'll talk at you with my eighteen-hundred words). :-) Keep well and keep smiling and keep rocking, and thank you for reading!

Hugs,

Kris / Vegan in Suburbia

Conferencin' around Brooklyn

Toronto, Ontario, 23:49, June 9, 2015

Ho, boy.

First things first: hello! How ya been?

Second things: I’m newly engaged; I went to Italy and France; I met Ingrid Newkirk, Dr. Neil Barnard, Roberto Benigni, and Nicoletta Braschi; I presented at two academic conferences (and co-organized one of ’em) and am in the process of having two articles published; I visited Montreal for my sister's engagement party; I met my best friend's baby; and I hung out with three cool cats (and several other human cool cats) this weekend.

Stuff’s been happening, as you can see, but I wrote this other post about a month and a half ago, so I ought to share it.

So, here goes…

Do stay tuned for more.

Hugs and love,

Vegan in Suburbia

Brooklyn, New York, 13:47, April 24, 2014

It’s 13:47. Friday afternoon. I’m in Brooklyn, in a hip café. It’s not packed, but it’s bustling. I’ve been nursing the same soy cappuccino for the past two hours or so. Jessie Ware’s “Wildest Moments” just started playing. A bunch of males of different ethnicities quietly work on their laptops at tables scattered through the back room of the café. A man in his sixties is having a conversation with a woman of approximately the same age six or seven small two-seat tables away. We’re far from the entrance to the café, but the chilly air from outside appears to travel unimpeded to the back of the restaurant, sunny though the day may be.

            I’m in Brooklyn. I’d never been here before now. I’d been to New York State as a kid and went to Buffalo once in the past two years, but I’d never been to New York City. I’d dreamt, since going vegan eleven years ago, that I would visit for the purposes of culinary travel, but, excited as I am about food, I’m pretty psyched as it is just to be here. The city’s got a sweet vibe and I love the people. There are pockets of Toronto-like culture, but, for the most part, it’s pretty clear that I’m not in Toronto anymore.

            On a side, but also-related, note, they say, “to stay” instead of “for here” when talking about foods or beverages to be consumed on the premises, versus “to go.” Ha! (Forgive me for the linguistic interlude, but you’ve come to expect these by now, I imagine.)

            Yesterday, I presented at my first academic conference. As a teenager and as an adult, I’ve always feared public speaking (but when I was little, I relished the spotlight!). That’s not special at all: most people dislike speaking in public. Anyway, Dane does not understand this fear because he positively thrives and shines when he’s got the floor. Maybe it’s an only-child thing… But, anyway, I envy this ability of his, whatever its origins; he rocks as an orator.

            … Ah, yes: Café Madeline is the name of this place. They’re playing Jack White, I think, now. I just ordered a kale-and-mushroom farro dish that I’m pretty psyched about, and then I’ll be off to the second day of the conference.

            The conference. Yes. That’s what I was saying: I presented at a graduate conference at the Graduate Center (“-er,” guys!) at CUNY in New York City. I’ve always been the type to “go big or go home” (I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about that on several occasions in this blog. My wonderful cousin is similar and we call ourselves the “two-feet-in” kids), but, shit, talk about going big, presenting in motherfrakking New York City at the Comparative Literature Department and not even the “safe space” of my native department at U of T.

            But I digress.

            On my first night here, I saw the big Arc-de-Triomphe–looking structure in Washington Square Park that they sometimes show between scenes on Friends, and it was rad. New York is rad, man.

            Where was I? Conference… Farro-and-mushroom bowl… Conference.

            It was really cool—it is really cool. I presented a paper in which I compared a horror-romance, or undead-romance, trilogy written in Italian to Twilight. I don’t like to brag, but I’m kinda livin’ the dream, eh? (That is, if your dream is to read and write about Italian vampires and zombies.)

            I made the audience laugh—intentionally, that is. We were about 15 people seated in a narrow meeting room at a long table. I presented seated because I’d seen other people do so, so it felt appropriate. And what if my fly was down? (Fun fact: my fly was, in fact, down as I walked out of the washroom before my presentation, but I caught it just in time.) The moderator of the panel (two other people presented in the panel, “The Limits of the Human,” after me) was a wonderful Italian man and professor at CUNY—and he got his PhD at U of T! Small world, eh? Maybe I will teach at CUNY one day… He was lovely and very encouraging of me and my work.

            Anyway, it was a positive experience and, although it is rare for me to admit this sort of thing, or, rather, to feel this sort of thing, I’m proud of myself. I think that what I did was brave—brave for me, anyway: I had told colleagues and friends and family in the past that I would avoid presenting at conferences at all costs. But when this one came up and I saw that we could talk about vampires, I though, shit. How could I not send in a proposal? How could I ever fit my vampire talks into conferences on Dante or Boccaccio?

            So, it was a positive experience and I wasn’t horribly nervous, and that was a pleasant surprise and a wonderful relief. I made eye contact with people while I spoke and read, and I lost my place and stumbled a few times, but, nonetheless, I think I rocked it.

            I was asked a question or two that I could not answer fully or well, but it didn’t make me uncomfortable of displease me, simply because I’m not an expert in cultural studies or philosophy or literature. I focus on language, but I’m not an expert in anything yet either. I know a shit-tonne about vampires, but I’ve got some wicked work ahead for my thesis-writing and linguistic-analysis prep. Still, I’m happy with the way I conducted myself and I’m proud of myself (I fought the urge to write “kind of” in front of “proud.” I am allowed to be fully proud, right?).

***

            I wrote the above in New York, as you read. I’ve been home for almost a week and will be leaving in nine days for vacation. The last time I did this much travelling in such a short span of time was… in 2012, the last time I was in Italy. Jeebus.

            When I was in New York, I stayed with my dear friend, Liz, whom I met in 2011 and lived with in 2012 at the Art Monastery Project. She lives in Brooklyn now and is doing some wicked cool stuff with the U.S. Department of Arts and Culture, as well as Impact Hub NYC. She was a spectacular, thoughtful, and generous host, and it was really special to hang out with her as though it hadn’t been two and a half years since we’d last seen each other. Also, when I arrived, two other dear friends from the Art Monastery were visiting, too! We had dinner together at Red Bamboo (I still regret not leaving enough room for dessert, but… that just means I’ll have to go back) and caught up and laughed and they encouraged me and supported me by asking questions about my research and showing enthusiasm for my work. I am still very grateful. I carried that love and faith with me the next day when I presented my work, and I’ve no doubt that the positivity gave me courage and added a little sparkle to my delivery.

            But they’re doing crazy awesome work, too! They’re working with the Art Monastery Project still and are looking for applicants… So, you wanna go to Italy? Go here! They’re also, you know, building a house and taking care of baby goats on a farm in upstate New York.

            And they’re excited about my work? Oh, they are blessed souls.

            I’ve not much else to report that matches the loveliness and magnitude of my New York trip [EDIT: So, a bunch has happened, like I said earlier. I pinky swear that I’ll update soon!], so I’ll end my post here. I’m presenting at another conference, at U of T, this time, next week, and then I’m off to on vacation. I’ll leave this short album of photos from my trip. Cheers, darlings, and be ever so well. :-)

One of my first views upon exiting the subway on my way to Brooklyn from the airport

In the area where I was conferencin'

We saw some slam poetry.

The aforementioned farro, spinach, avocado, and mushroom plate

This was one of the tastiest sandwiches I'd ever eaten. It was at Bliss Café. The staff was fabulous and super sweet.

Me & Liz <3 font="">

Turtles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Complimentary items from Air Canada—save for the book, which I bought at La Guardia airport

Chainlink cuddles: a short true story

A view of our 'hood

I’ve had kind of a rough week. It’s pretty personal, and, of course, these kinds of moments and periods happen to everyone, but suffice it to say that this week found me frowning about as often as smiling, a proportion that is rare for me (and thank goodness for that. Smiling is fun yaaaaay. Also, please forgive me for this apparent complaint; my life’s otherwise frakking rad. Finally, please don’t worry: I’m just fine.)

Is it fair to say that I’m better now? Yeah. And, sure, Friday sometimes is the harbinger of F**KING AWESOMENESS! but… sometimes, it’s just another day. And yesterday was just another day… until it wasn’t.

Some background’s probably necessary, right? I’ll back up from where and when I am, away from ella’s uncle café (the lower-case is intentional, because that’s how the name is stylized very prettily on the sign) on Bloor Street West, near Ossington Avenue, and rewind more than twelve hours.

***

Dane and I were seated at our kitchen table, talking about our respective weeks and their various challenges: his healing from having all four of his wisdom teeth removed; my work at the university and the strike and the tensions involved; physical and emotional exhaustion. It was this last point that had us start talking about our always-inconclusive and recurring conversation about getting a dog and what kind of dog we would adopt, since a dog’s presence would ease isolation and make all frowns turn upside down.

Thank you, Snapchat, for allowing me to draw on everything.

In my fatigued demeanour, I explained to Dane that a package had arrived at our door for me a few days prior, but when the postal worker rang the doorbell, I decided not to answer, because I hadn’t been expecting anyone or anything. So, I still needed to pick up the package from the post office where it had been transferred for pick-up at a later date.

I confessed to Dane (and, later, to my mum, who laughed a lot and said that I had “an amazing imagination”) that I had this secret hope that the package was a puppy. Of course, shipping a live animal through Canada Post would be cruel and awful and I’d never actually accept that to happen, so I explained myself: “You see, the puppy would be sent from whatever its origins were all the way to Toronto via a chainlink of cuddles from human transporters.”

You can picture it, right? One tight hug, then pass it on; one tight hug, then pass it on; one tight hug—you can see it now, right? Sure, these thousands of people probably have way better things to do than form a human chain to send a canine to a bummed-out PhD student in Toronto, but what are hopes and dreams for if not to be totally unrealistic sometimes?

It was at this point in our conversation that Dane and I heard barking and whimpering eerily close to our house. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t, for the tiniest moment, believe that my post-office dog had found its way to our very door. In all seriousness, though, the bark was way too deep for it to belong to a creature that could be cuddle-shipped across Canada; that bark belonged to a big dog.

The neighbour to the south of us has an adorable pug (I believe I’ve mentioned him before. His name is Puck and I’d be happy to hug his smooshed face all day), and although it is not rare to see dogs on our street, none of our other immediate neighbours have dogs. So, when we heard this deep bark so close to our house, we were surprised and perplexed: where was the dog? Whose was it? When could we I meet it? Though the sun is starting to set later these days, seven o’clock was too dark to see the depths of our yard (which we avoid in all seasons, really, because the former tenants and/or landlords weren’t especially tidy, so there’s a lot of construction nonsense that’ll need to be dumped come summertime). Anyway, it was really cold out yesterday, but, thankfully, the temperature had started to increase as the night went on. Nevertheless, I knew that it wasn’t normal for this dog to be outside for this long. We couldn’t just sit around with this dog freezing and possibly in pain and continue with our night.

I called my good friend, Barbi, to find out whom to call. She suggested Toronto Animal Services. They were closed, so I dealt with 311, and, boy, are they ever a wonderful and truly helpful bunch. Their hands were tied by permits and permissions and bureaucratic limitations, but they’re a compassionate group of people and they really wanted to help doggerino. (In case you’re unfamiliar with my pooch terminology, “doggerino” and “pupperino” [and, sometimes, “dawgy-dawg-dawg.” I know: it’s weird. Heck, my dog, Brandy, that I had when I was little, never got called “Brandy”; she was “Hadjabouti”—and still is!—to me. Juuust… don’t ask.] are words I use to affectionately refer to dogs. The end). I called 311 at 9 p.m., and then 10 p.m. They would try to send someone over from Animal Services as soon as possible, but their after-hours crew might decide to check in only on the following day, and since we thought that the dog was in the neighbour’s yard, they couldn’t come to “seize” (ugh. I dislike this terminology, but it’s what’s used) the dog without permission to access the neighbour’s property. They said they would call us if or when they would come by.

So, I went to take a nap while Dane played video games. He woke me up at 1:30 a.m. and the poor canine sweetie was still barking outside. My heart and Dane’s heart broke. In our pyjamas, Dane and I went outside to see if we could see the dog, to ascertain whether the dog was chained or stuck or hurt or if it was small enough that we could have it stay the night at our house until the following day.

I couldn’t see the dog in the darkness, so I whistled until the dog responded, but it didn’t. We were scared it’d jump out at us, but Dane soon spotted it to the right of our shed, and he and the dog made eye contact. It was a big dog, Dane confirmed. (Dane is 6’1’’ and I’m 5’1’’, so my ability to evaluate the situation was limited by my height. Of course.) Although doggerino wasn’t growling or making any sound, menacing or otherwise, the way they’d locked eyes without the dog’s reacting in any way made us both very uneasy and scared us enough to go back inside. We both have had unsettling experiences with strange dogs in our lives, so our legs moved a little faster than our brains. But we weren’t about to give up on this dog.

That was at 1:30 a.m. We called 311 again when we got inside. They were spectacular again, but still, their hands were tied since we didn’t know if it was a stray or if it belonged to our neighbours or whose yard the dog was actually in. This was frustrating to everyone—me, Dane, the operator—because the dog was clearly in distress, but no one wanted to ruffle anyone’s feathers; I say RUFFLE THEM ALL! Nonetheless, they said they’d get back to us as soon as they could have a team out to check out the situation. Dane and I went to sleep with the dog’s barking echoing in our ears, its whimpers filling the empty spaces created by the separated pieces of our broken hearts. (Vomit. It’s dramatic, I know, but we were distraught.)

I even had a dream about the puppy: Dane and I were able to get to the other side of the fence, but I got there first and had patted the puppy on his back, near his hind legs, and I instructed Dane to do the same, saying that that’s usually the first spot I pet when I meet a new dog, because it shows I’m a friend and, also, it protects me from its snout: should it feel threatened, my hand would be far enough from its face to be able to withdraw in time. Dane pet the dog and after the dog gently showed us that he, too, was our friend, Dane gave the dog a full-body hug. I’ve seen Dane do this in real life, and it turns my heart to mush instantly. It was sunny in the dream, and I don’t know how it ended.

I awoke at 7:30 a.m. to the sound of our smoke alarm doing a maddening test beep. Between its deafening beeps, I heard the dog barking.

I got up and actually saw the dog from the kitchen. He is a big dog. He’s a boxer. He’s beautiful. And he’s staring at me through my kitchen window, shivering as he stands there barking and whimpering. I wonder why he’s not sitting or lying down. I also realize that he’s not in the neighbour’s yard at all (our neighbour to the rear of us), but in a weird neutral zone between the two, separated from our yard only by a very short wire fence—the cheap kind people put around their gardens to keep rabbits or raccoons out. The dog was wearing a red windbreaker and clearly had a collar and a leash. This was no stray; this dog had people who cared about him.

I called 311 again and gave them the number for the file we’d opened the night before. They listened, patiently, and told me the same story that the other kind and compassionate operators offered the three other times I’d called. They insisted on receiving confirmation that the dog was accessible from our yard before they sent Animal Services over. I went outside in my pyjamas, the operator on hold, to investigate. I cooed to the puppy. He looked at me, silently shivering. I promised him we’d get him home and that he wasn’t along. His leash, as it turns out, was somehow frozen into the snow beneath his trembling body. I still don’t understand how he got there.

I went back inside, confirmed that the dog was on our premises, and the operator told me to call back at 8 a.m., when Animal Services opened, so that they could transfer me (and my file) directly to Animal Services.

Eight a.m. rolls around. I’m patched through. I speak to someone at Animal Services. He asks what colour the dog’s coat was. I assume he’s using “coat” in the sense of “fur,” but he’d actually been referring to the jacket the dog was wearing. (Hahaha.)

“It’s red,” I said after describing his gorgeous brown-and-white face.

“And it’s a big dog, right? Like, a boxer?”

“Yes! Very big.”

“Did you see his paws? Was he wearing black booties—with one missing?”

“Uuuuhhh… I didn’t see his paws.”

“Okay. This dog went missing yesterday afternoon at Dovercourt and Davenport. We were wondering how it never showed up. I’m going to give your number to the owners and they will contact you to pick up the dog. His name is Bentley.”

RELIEF.

Holy shit, man. What a RELIEF.

First, what a relief—as awful as this sounds—that Bentley survived the night. Thank GOODNESS that the colder night was on Thursday; I don’t know how he’d have fared otherwise.

After I got off the phone with Animal Services, I took my cell phone and a bowl of water outside. I went to sit with the dog and reassured him that his family would be there soon. I offered him the water, but he just lay there, regal though shaking, looking at me as I tried to comfort him by using his name. My phone rang and it was an excited, audibly relieved woman on the other end of the phone.

“Is this Christina? You have Bentley? Thank you SO MUCH. We live at ##. Can we just knock on your door?”

“You’re so welcome! Actually, I’m just sitting in the back with him; you can come through the back yard. Be careful, though: it’s icy!”

As it turns out, she lives just a few houses south of us. She had been within reach this whole time and spent a sleepless night at home with her children and husband, wondering where their dog was.

Myriad thank-yous followed and they were on their way. Seconds later—literally—I heard a house door slam and a chorus of animated voices drawing nearer. Bentley noted this at the same time as I did and he stood up on his front paws to rest in a shaky sitting position.

“Your family is coming to get you, Bentley! You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be sooo warm sooo soon. It’s going to feel sooo good. You’re going to be warm. You’ll be with your family soon.”

The family, all five members of them, one by one entered our yard. Bentley’s echoed name preceded them before their faces appeared. My heart sank as, for a second, I worried that it wasn’t their puppy at all—but it was. It was! I backed up against the fence to leave the family room to see and access their dog. The woman who had called me, K., beamed with gratitude and grabbed my hands to thank me. “You have no idea what kind of night we had!” I could only imagine.

I chuckled as one of the boys, who was in his pyjamas like the rest of us, lost his shoe in the snow and had his bare foot exposed as he tried to regain his balance on one leg and replace his shoe on his wet foot. He was barely fazed, overcome as he was with happiness to be reunited with his dog.

K.’s husband leaned over the fence to pick up the huge dog (what an image: this dog who weighs about the same as I do, if not more, being cuddled and… passed along over linked fencing, much like my fantasy post-office dog). As K. and her family left, the youngest of the family, who is maybe nine or 10, looked at me and uttered the most genuine thank-you I think I’ve ever received. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget her sparkling eyes as she said this. Her mum looked at me as K.’s husband walked away cradling Bentley. She reached out with both arms and hugged me before I knew what was happening. She uttered a million thank-yous and said I’d made her day; I said she’d made mine! She walked away with her family and I walked towards our back door as Dane emerged, just missing the family. I walked inside and broke down as Dane held me.

I couldn’t get over how much the dog had suffered and how scared he must have been and how grateful the family was to have their dog back with them and how delighted I was that this dog had survived the night. I was overwhelmed.

And then we had pancakes.

***

It’s amazing how quickly our fates change, isn’t it? From talking about dogs to taking steps to try to save a dog’s life… From freezing in the unforgiving cold to being cradled by one who spent a sleepless night worrying about your whereabouts… From locking eyes with a homeless, trembling canine to sharing grateful, sparkling glances with a child who’s taking her dog home… From starting your day with pleasant exchanges with human strangers to having said (former) strangers insist that, if you need anything, just knock on their door.

They came back later, our neighbours, while I was at ella’s uncle, while I had already started typing this story. K. called me to ask which unit was ours because they had brought over a token of gratitude and wanted to make sure that they rang the right bell. I expressed how sweet that was—imagining a bottle of wine or muffins or something—and that we were on the main floor, that Dane was home and would answer.

They brought over cash.

Dane, the polite darling, refused three or four times, but Bentley’s family insisted, and Dane said that it felt rude to decline, so he finally acquiesced. He felt like he didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t believe it, when he told me. We agreed that it was totally unnecessary, but I understood the family’s insistence: you can’t put a price on a loved one’s well-being. I called them to thank them, and the gratitude was bounced back and forth like a volleyball over the neighbourhood fences.

***

Before coming to this café, I went to the post office to pick up my mystery package (“please be a dog. Please be a dog”). The package that awaited me at the post office was flat and tiny. Could it contain the world’s tiniest Chihuahua? No: it was my 10-year passport that I’d renewed a few weeks ago, in preparation for a vacation in May that Dane and I are planning to celebrate our two-year anniversary and his birthday.

Well, it turns out that I had been totally wrong about a puppy in the mail sent to me by chainlink cuddles. Today, I was wrong not only about the item being delivered, but, also, the dream item’s method of delivery; I was right about this, though: a dog was delivered, directly to warm, loving arms, over a chainlink fence. And this rough week had the happiest of endings, the kind that sometimes manifest only in dreams.

Welcome back home, Bentley.